Thursday, January 19, 2006

My Minny teams

Before I rant, let me clear this up: I'm not off the Minny-sota bandwagon. I'm simply sick and tired of this freaking sports situation in this town. My favorite clubs are collectively struggling more right now than I've ever seen. From the "U" to the pro squads, they've all proven themselves to be routinely frugal, lazy and downright ignorant while cities and teams across the country bring sports to a new level. I feel like our teams are stuck in a frozen tundra. Oh wait, we are.

Gophers Mens Basketball: Arguably my favorite squad, of which I've seen 80 percent of all games the past decade or so, is stuck in a rut yet again. They're 0-4 in the Big Ten, their guards suck, their shooting stats are abysmal, this year marks the seventh team coach Monson has failed, and he's also been horrible at retaining solid and ever-improving in-state talent. Williams Arena is the best sports venue in town and it's faitful deserve a team that should annually be a NCAA tounament bubble team at worst. This one might not even qualify for the NIT. Answer: Fire Monson. Rebuild recruiting efforts.

Twins: Where have the good days gone? I can guarantee Geezer Pohlad's forgotten. Not only will he refuse to pick up actual top-tier talent to be competitive, his frugalness is holding up the process of building a new ballpark, and his team will have to be incredibly lucky to compete for the wild card in 2006. I will predict that he will now threaten to sell the squad by the summer too. Answer: Sell to Glen Taylor. Raise payroll. Snag a power-hitter. Make stadium deal in St. Paul.

Gophers Football: Stadium remains unsolved. But just how the Metrodome is looks and smells like a dirty toilet, Glen Mason has proven much the same. He's achieved far less than any other coach at a respectable instution during his last 9 years at the U. But still, the school was dumb enough to resign him -- and overpay him -- so he can again lead the Gophers to a few more trips to Nashville for the Music City Bowl. The best part is that I feel the need to puke during at least 4 or 5 Big Ten games per season because Mason can't find a way to win big games. I didn't forget about the win at Michigan this year -- even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes. Answer: Fire Mason (failed), build a defense (we'll see), build a stadium (will happen soon).

Vikings: Where to start? Stupid coach. No playoffs. Stupid players. Love boat. Police run-ins. Fred Smoot's mouth. The worst part is that there's even more that I didn't even mention. Answer: Fire coach (done), have a good draft (I'm optimistic), get a running back (I hope not Ontarrio Smith).

Timberwolves: You gotta feel for Kevin Garnett. If Big Ticket had some talent around him, he could go down as one of the best athletes ever to play in the state. He's not the problem. This team is mediocre for one reason: Kevin McHale. For years, he's failed miserably in drafts (e.g. Ndudi Ebi, Will Avery, Paul Grant), let rock star Chauncey Billups leave town, and simply proven he doesn't have the smarts it takes to run a squad in the NBA. And now, he's even locked himself away from critics in the media. P.S. he even fired Flip Saunders -- who's now in Detroit with the Piston, leading them to a 31-5 record (one of the best winning records since Michael Jordan was winning championships). Answer: Fire McHale. Buy a point guard.

Wild: Being that it's now their 5th season, I want to forget this whole "expansion" thing. It's time to win. Seriously, I hardly know one player on this team. Almost half way through the 2005-06 campaign, their 9th in the division. They completely failed to sign a big name player last off-season when the market was ripe. They've got the best arena in the country and the top coach in the league. Yet they completely keep wasting his time when they fail to put players on the ice able to make themselves one of the top 10 teams in the NHL.
Answer: How the heck do I know -- it's hockey!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WILD -- because it's hockey, I know the the answer: Stop wasting time with the people you know aren't producing. Send them to the AHL. Seriously! Former Gopher Erik Westrum is on the Wild's AHL affiliate (the Houston Aeros, which, by the way, is on top in the AHL) and he's leading the league in scoring. Why not call him up and put some scoring power into the lineup? O'Sullivan is another on the Aeros' squad who is a scoring threat but probably won't see anymore playing time in NHL this year. Granted Lemaire is a great coach, but he needs to send a few guys down who aren't scoring (i.e. Pascal Dupuis) and mix up the lineup a little bit. Or the Wild could just trade for Barry Tallackson.

4:50 PM  
Blogger The Divoteer said...

Good take -- figured my knock on hockey would produce...

9:38 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home